(Finally,) Direction

Hi. If anyone's even reading this (and I think there are a few of yall out there because I can see how many page views I get on a daily basis.), first of all thank you. Secondly, you'll be relieved to hear that I'm dropping my usual pretentious tone for this post because I'm just so freaking excited to have a plan. A plan.

So working at the Graduate Mentoring office at UCLA is like a double-edged sword. I surround myself with amazing folks working towards their Ph.D's, so grad school is always on my mind. The flip side to this, though, is that I feel so inadequate so much of the time. Yeah I got my BA from Cal, but really what am I gonna do with just that?

Grad students, and sometimes even undergrads (those who got their lives planned out and are waiting on acceptance letters from Oxford, NYU, Berkeley, etc.) ask me all the time, "So what do you wanna do?" And my response is always this gross cop-out of "I don't know yet." It makes me cringe, hearing these words come out of my mouth because I know what I want; I just don't know how to get there.

So I had another one of these conversations yesterday and it was different because I was honest about my insecurities. I said I want a Ph.D. in Pil Studies, to which they laughed. I sat their confused for a second. These people don't know my community's terms. Okay, Pilipino Studies then. Wtf they probably thought I meant pill studies. Anyway.

They were trying to convince me to go back to Cal for grad school, but I told them straight up there's no way in hell I'm getting in.

"Why?"

"Because it's competitive."

"Yeah, so?"

"And because I have no research experience."

"So get an MA."

Ugh. Like that. Like it's the most obvious thing in the world and everybody knows about it. Do an MA program, write a thesis, build on research experience, develop relationships with faculty, then apply for Ph.D. programs. Basically do all the shit I didn't have the forethought to do in college.

It's so simple.

I bitch so much about work, but damn I guess I really am in the right place.